Thursday, April 14, 2005

April 13, 2005

John Bolton is a certifiable horse’s ass. He represents exactly the kind of mediocre person I described in an earlier column. The kind of person who rises to the top (as I indelicately put it) like a turd that refuses to flush. He is, as was the described before the Senate yesterday, a “kiss up, kick down,” kinda guy.

Bolton was among those the top ranks of Bush's Neocon sycophants who eagerly and actively distorted and lied about the state of Iraq’s weapons programs. And he wasn’t going to stop there either. At the very same time he was also cooking up false reports that Cuba had an active and highly developed biological weapons program as well. Yeah, Cuba, where they the 57’ Chevy still rules the road.

I sincerely hope Bolton gets his ass kicked down the Senate steps instead of confirmed as our new ambassador to the United Nations.

Now, having said that, I also hope we send someone to the UN who can and will kick ass there as well. That’s the only argument Republicans have in favor of Bolton, that, while seldom right, he is never in doubt. He is blunt, gets right to the point and is in your face if you cross him. Take those qualities and add a genuine intellect and you have exactly the qualities we want in our ambassador to that wholly dysfunctional organization.

I hate it when I have to rag on the UN because I can almost hear all those knuckle-dragging right-wingers out there grunting in agreement. But the UN really is a mess and it’s not getting any better. Hypocrisy runs like rivers down its halls. Diplomacy, supposedly a tool of civil discourse, has instead become a license to obfuscate and lie with utter impunity. The whole membership seems to have signed a pact:

“You pretend we are telling the truth and we will pretend you’re telling the truth. And never… never, ever, point out when making pious, self-serving pronouncements any hint that we may be being hypocritical. Because that would be undiplomatic – not to mention embarrassing..”

Just look at today’s paper and you will find a perfect example of what I speak:

“Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao said Tuesday that Japan would not be ready for a permanent seat on the U.N. Security Council until it admits its history of aggression in World War II and earns the trust of the people of Asia.” (Washington Post)

Exccccccuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me. Might this be the same China that already sits on the Security Council but has yet to admit it massacred hundreds, maybe thousands, of its own students in Tiananmen Square? And which continues to jail anyone who tries to exercise freedom of speech, religion or politics? Unlike Japan which is at least an open society and a parliamentary democracy? Is it THAT China making this demand?

What jaw-dropping chutzpah! This is exactly a moment when we would want the US representative to the UN to stand up in open session and say something along these lines:

“We agree with the esteemed representative of China. Japan should not be given a seat on the Security Council until it admits and apologizes fully for the crimes it committed prior to and during World War II. And, in precisely the spirit that the representative of China demands that of Japan, we would like to ask that China’s membership on the Security Council be suspended until it admits and apologizes for the crimes committed against its own citizens, particularly those during democracy demonstrations in Tiananmen Square Square in 1989. Anything less would be a double standard, one standard for Japan and a different standard for China. I am sure our esteemed representative of China would agree and we await China’s response.”

John Bolton is the wrong person for the job because he is a known liar and bully. Bolton has more in common with some of the dictatorial regimes he claims pose a danger to the US than he does to genuine American values.

But we do badly need someone at the UN who is not himself a liar, but knows a liar when he sees one, and doesn’t hesitate to say so, right out loud.

Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know that’s not very “diplomatic.” But then it’s a hell of lot more diplomatic than bombing the living crap out of them, which is usually Bolton’s first choice.

More Hypocrisy
Ariel Sharon was here for visit this week. Jesus that guy is fat. Why do the Gods let bad fat guys live but give coronary disease to good old jolly fat guys? It’s off the subject, but I was just wondering. Seems unfair.

Anyway, while here visiting the Bush ranch, Sharon asked Bush to get Iran to give up its nuclear weapons program.

“Spreading photographs of Iranian nuclear sites over a lunch table at the Bush ranch in Texas on Monday, Prime Minister Ariel Sharon of Israel urged President Bush to step up pressure on Iran to give up all elements of its nuclear program, according to senior American and Israeli officials.” (New York Times)

Here was another golden opportunity for a bit of hypocrisy-cutting candor. If only Bush had replied thusly:

“You betchya Ariel. I’m with you on that one, partner. In fact I figure no one in that part of the world should have nukes because everyone there hates everyone else there. The whole area is just one big Jerry Springer show with guns. So, let’s do this. You guys agree that if Iran gives up its nukes Israel will give up it’s nukes, I think we can do that deal. Oh, one more idea. See that barbed wire fence way out there. That’s my neighbor’s land on the other side of it. He would be mighty pissed if I claimed it as mine and put my cows in there. Might even open fire. People are that way about their land. So, don’t you think you should stop stealing other people’s property? Maybe I’m wrong about this.. just thinking out loud. But I think that when you steal someone’s property it really pisses them off. And every time you do that it creates a whole new bunch more folks who want to blow Israel up. Am I crazy about that or what?”

Would that have been refreshing, or what?

Yeah. In our dreams….

DeLay Droppings
What morning would be complete without a fresh story about the antics of that wild and crazy Tom DeLay? This morning the Gods present us with this tasty morsel.
DeLay put a link on his official web site where kids could learn about the march of freedom through history.

“Here they find, first, the Magna Carta in 1215, with a nice overview of its place in the road to democracy. Next, the Declaration of Independence in 1776 and, of course, the Bill of Rights in 1791. But then there's a bit of a dry patch for a couple of hundred years until -- what else? -- the "Contract With America" in September 1994.” (Washington Post.. full story)

Yes boys and girls, over two hundred years passed before Western Civilization progressed on it’s next step toward enlightenment. And that step was the GOP’s Contract With America. And, for over two centuries mankind stumbled through darkness and ignorance before it another crop of great minds emerged to pen the Contract With America, a document now enshrined (in DeLay’s twisted mind) in history alongside the Magna Carta and Declaration of Independence.

And, can you doubt that when DeLay closes his beady eyes at night he envisions his and Newt’s marble busts tucked lovingly between those of Jefferson and Franklin at the National Museum.

Further proof – though none is needed in this case -- that, as Seneca noted, "Whom God wishes to destroy he first makes mad."

By Stephen Pizzo
Raconteur at Large

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