Email: From DOJ, 7/7/05
To: Stephen Pizzo
From: Alberto Gonzalez, Attny Gen.
I just wanted to drop you a quick note to say how much I enjoyed your piece yesterday on the London bombings and what we should do in response. I could not have said it better myself – though one small point – you did not mention the expansion of “stress positions” to the general public. Otherwise I loved the piece.
Your timing was uncanny. The California FBI office had just sent me a copy of your library records with a big red circle around one title: “American Infidel.” That sure got my guy's attention! You have to realize that our people are not big readers, so they do tend to judge books by the cover. A title like that was bound to get you in hot water. Then we opened the book and what do we find? A book about 19th century athiest, Robert Ingersoll! We find chapter after chapter of anti-Christian rants. Sure it was all written 150 years ago, but holy moly man, we’re all Christians up here now. (Well, almost all – we do have a few affirmative action Jews up in accounting and a Islamic guy with no job duties because we don’t trust him ;-/ )
Anyway, once I saw your blog yesterday I called our field agents and told them cancel the … “thing”… we had planned --(ever been to Egypt?) But it was a close call; so do be more careful in the future in choice of reading materials. (Laura has a good book out now, for example.)
Keep up the good work. And please consider a future piece exploring the positive side of what bleeding-hear liberals call “torture.” (We prefer “Stress Inducing Interrogation Short of Causing Permanent Damage, Death or Lasting Photographical Marks - (SIISCPDDLPM, for short.)
Gotta run. The DOJ’s tailor wants to measure me -- something about a robe. ;-)
Yours in modified freedom,
Okay, that’s not a real email, but this one was.
Maybe you should have waited a bit before writing this one. It’s a tad reactionary. Take some deep breaths, count to ten, have a glass of that delicious local vino...and then write a follow-up. I am looking forward to it.
Okay, so I went a bit off overboard yesterday. (See below) But those of you out there that share my Sicilian heritage will understand. In the old west the adage was, “Shoot first, ask questions later,” In Sicily it’s more like, “Shoot, shoot, shoot. Okay, now, what was the question?”
I have calmed down – and vino-ed up – And yes, I would modify my comments slightly.
First I would acknowledge that Western nations are far from innocents. For example, invading the wrong Muslim country, for the wrong (and false) reasons was not only immoral and illegal but made matters worse. This falls under the “Do as we say, not as we do,” category. The nuts on the other side see the hyprocacy more clearly than we do. It fires them up, gains them recruits and provides context and justification for their own terrorist acts. We can blame George and his Neocon buddies for that one.
I would also soften my suggestion that we arrest US citizens suspected of terrorist affiliation on unrelated charges (i.e. spitting on sidewalks and felony hummus possession.) This administration has already done enough damage to our civil and judicial rights without any help from me.
Otherwise the rest of my rant I will leave history to judge. While I do not see it the same way George Bush does, I do believe we are involved in a real war. A time war, as I described yesterday. And we need to either decide to fight or retreat. If we fight it gets dirty. All fights outside a ring, are dirty fights.
Of course there are non-military solutions as well. We could simply withdraw from Middle East, harden our national boarders, restrict Middle Eastern immigration and just let Arabs stew in their own backward Islamic juices. Then the West can continue its journey into the future while the Islamic world confine its peoples within 10th-century religious themeparks. Eventually the young and women in those countries will have a belly-full of their Islamic nutcase leaders and send them packing.
(I have suggested the same solution for America's fundamentalist Christians. If you want to get rid of the for good, just give them everything they want -- prayer in schools, outlaw abortion, etc. Within two years they would be the most hated people in nation. And, that would be the end of that nonsense. There’s nothing quite like experiencing faith-based governance to turn a into person a born-again atheist. )
Of course abandoning Islamic countries to their own devices would have its price as well, but it may be time anyway for us to pay that price. In a word, oil. If we took that course we would have to be ready do get by with a lot less oil. Because without our protection those phony Saudi “princes” would lose their royal heads within a week of our departure.
Nuclear non-proliferation would also take a hit. Iran, left to it’s own devices would quickly build nuclear weapons. That would create the kind of Mexican standoff that lasted half a century between the US and USSR. MAD – mutually assured destruction. A nuclear-armed Israel eye-ball to eye-ball with a nuclear-armed Iran. Hot diggity.
If it were not for our voracious appetite for oil, simply washing our hands of the Islamic world would be the choice I think many Americans would chose. Bring the troops home and tell our oil companies that, since they like to see themselves as multi-national concerns anyway, they are on their own. If they want to poke around in the sands of the Middle East for oil, go ahead; just don’t expect US Marines to come to the rescue when they end up the involuntary guests of Islamic headhunters.
I do have one concern about this “hands off” approach though. The people who controlled the former USSR's nukes were atheists. There was no reward awaiting them on the other side of a mushroom cloud.
Not so for nutcase Muslims. The worst those guys expect if we nuke them in retaliation is getting laid -- 71 times.
Most of those Mullahs look to me like men who have not had any nookie for years.
That worries me a bit.
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