Thursday, January 20, 2005

January 19, 2005

Steamed Rice

If there was any doubt that George Bush and Condoleezza Rice were joined at the brain those doubts were put to rest yesterday. Rice’s confirmation testimony could have been delivered by Bush himself.

Mistakes? What mistakes? We don’t make mistakes in this administration.

Lies? What lies? We don’t lie to the American people.

WMD in Iraq? What....hey, did I tell you guys about how honest I am? How dare you insinuate otherwise!

So what we learned from Rice’s testimony was, in a word, nothing -- at least, nothing new. As she moves from the White House to her new post as America’s top diplomat, the irony will not be missed on the rest of the world.

We did learn one other thing from Rice’s demeanor at the hearings. If the Bush administration needs another Secretary of State to stand up and lie to the whole world again, Condi is their gal. And this time they will not have to waste time lying to her first as they had to do to get Powell out there.

Rice is a team player, a real standup gal – a natural born liar.

Knuckle-dragger Watch
Step right up boys and girls and get your biblical lobotomy right here at school. High school students in Harrisburg Penn. are now required to listen to their biology teachers instruct them on ``intelligent design' as well as evolution. That’s right, science teachers will be instructing public school students that evolution is just a theory and it is equally likely that the universe was created just the way it is a supernatural being (AKA, God.)

Now let me get this straight. Even though there laboratories and museums around the world chuck full of evidence supporting evolution, and not a single piece of physical, much less scientific, evidence to support the religious theory of “intelligent design,” the two have to be taught as equals in science class. Yep. And the knuckle draggers are deeeeelighted.

``The revolution in evolution has begun,'' said Richard Thompson, the law center's president and chief counsel. ``This is the first step in which students will be given an honest scientific evaluation of the theory of evolution and its problems.''

Okay, time to turn the tables by demanding that astrology be taught alongside astronomy. The logic.. their logic anyway, would make this argument easy. In fact there's a direct and solid comparison:

  • Astronomers believe we can study the distant past in the stars.
  • Astrologers believe we can study the future in those same stars.
  • There's lots of proof that astronomers can actually see the way the universe looked billions of years ago.
  • While there is no proof the future can be predicted from studying the stars.

So there you are. There’s no proof for intelligent design either. But, to the zombified bible thumpers scientific process is just another tool of Satan.

So if parents in this school district who want to put a stop to this nonsense they should go straight to the school board and demand that as long as “intelligent design” is required in biology class then astrology must be added to the astronomy curriculum as well.

As I have repeatedly said in this space, the only way to teach religious zombies why separation of church and state is critical to our way of life is to show them. They will not listen, they must be shown. And the best way to show them is to match and raise them every time they pull a stunt like this.

If they get prayer in school then immediately insiste on Buddhist chants and Muslim prayers five times a day as well. And if they refuse, which they will, take the hypocrits to court.

Of course, you don’t want Buddhist chants or Muslim prayers in school, but neither do they. That’s the point, a point they clearly do not get. So, help them get it.

Head up Butt Award
What possesses otherwise smart people to say really stupid things, out loud, in public? I don’t know. Maybe people are more like computers than we think and, every now and then, a .dll file gets lost or corrupted resulting in a pile of intellectual gibberish.

How else can you explain what former Clinton economic wizard Larry Summers said this week at a public gathering of science professors. Summers, in case you didn’t know, parlayed his White House job into a cushy post as president of Harvard U.

While rattling off the top of his head at the conference Summers mused that fewer women become scientists because maybe they are wired wrong when it comes to math and science.

He dug this hole deeper with an tale about how he came to this conclusion. He said when his daughter was a little girl he gave her a gift of two trucks, one larger than the other. He said within a couple of days she was referring to the trucks as “the daddy truck and the baby truck.”

Nice going Larry. Maybe next time stick to a script.

It’s the Larry Summers’ Improv Special!
“Hey girls – wait, don't leave. I got a million of them. How about that PMS, ladies? Talk about an albatross. Let me see a show of hands – how many of you lady scientists are feeling grouchy today and just want to split the hell out of an atom or something? Just kidding…” Wacka wacka wacka…

Now for a round of dumb blond jokes.

Larry, Larry, Larry...... go to your room.

By Stephen Pizzo
Raconteur at Large

PS: My pal Tony disagrees with the above.

Choice and Truth (01/18/05)
He wasn’t relegating women to second-class citizenship; he was saying that gender-wise predilections should be studied. To say that there aren’t innate differences between the sexes is absurd. To say that we shouldn’t learn more about the differences is heresy.

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