November 15, 3005

Tale of Two Presidents

Bill Clinton's motto might be described as "Make love, not war." Unfortunately he took the sentiment a bridge too far and got himself impeached. Still Clinton was on to something. Two previous presidents, Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon, had seen their administrations destroyed by choosing war. Clinton's choice ruined one blue dress and soiled his legacy. Johnson and Nixon's choice got millions of people killed, now we know, unnecessarily.

I was in the Marine Corps so I'm hardly a knee jerk peacenik. Sometimes turning the other cheek amounts to suicide. But those times are rare. Most of the time war is the worst choice among other unattractive choices. For example, had we turned the other cheek (as in minded our damn business) in Vietnam, the only thing what would have changed is a whole lot more folks on both sides would still have a pulse today.

Still it seems clear that, while some men can't seem to control their lust for nookey, others can't seem to control their lust for war. In both cases history teaches, these two very different attractions are both open flames to these men's inner moth. Puff.

History, what a bitch. Had George W. Bush shown more interest in reading something deeper than the morning sports section he might have heeded the many "Danger, open flame" pre-war warnings.

Of course, it's too late now. Instead he released the Dogs of War.

(Preemptive note: No, I am not comparing our soldiers to dogs or chickens This is what we call a "metaphor." Okay? So, spare me the angry emails. You would not believe some of the emails I get!)


On the farm we have a way of punishing a chicken killing dog. (PETA's gonna hate this.) We tie the dead chicken around the offending dog's neck and leave it there a few days. It drives the dog nuts. He tears through the fields, howls, whines, rolls in the dirt, skids along the ground, trying to shed the evidence of his crime. It's quite a show.

Remember that image the next time you hear George W. Bush giving a speech attacking those who criticize his war in Iraq. The dead chickens of Iraq are now securely fastened around Bush's neck. And he knows now that the longer they remain the worse they're gonna stink.

So he rolls in the dirt.

"Reasonable people can disagree about the conduct of the war, but it is irresponsible for Democrats to now claim that we misled them and the American people. Leaders in my administration and members of the United States Congress from both political parties looked at the same intelligence on Iraq, and reached the same conclusion: Saddam Hussein was a threat.....Yet some Democrats who voted to authorize the use of force are now rewriting the past. They are playing politics with this issue and they are sending mixed signals to our troops and the enemy. And that's irresponsible." (Bush, Nov. 14, Alaska AF Base speech)

Thrash, run, roll, scrape along the ground, anything to get those dead, rotting chickens off his neck. And it's not just one dead chicken, but over 2000 with fresh kills added every day now. He's becoming a walking meat market, a talking graveyard, a blood-soaked rot-reeking apparition.

And so he runs through the mud.

"As our troops fight a ruthless enemy determined to destroy our way of life, they deserve to know that their elected leaders who voted to send them into war continue to stand behind them. Our troops deserve to know that this support will remain firm when the going gets tough. And our troops deserve to know that whatever our differences in Washington, our will is strong, our nation is united, and we will settle for nothing less than victory."

(Translation: Come on fellas, take responsibility for some of these dead chickens, will ya? You wanted to kill them too once. John Kerry, here, put these rotting roosters around your neck, you voted to let me do it. Bill Frist, don't you dare chicken out on me now. And hey, HEY, John Edwards, where the hell do you think you're going? No, no, it's too late to say it was all a big mistake. These chickens are dead already and you're one of the guys who let me do it. Listen, if you fellas leave me to holding the bag on all these deaths I swear I will lift my leg on you every chance I get.. Yes I will. Damn these things are starting to stink.")

Run, roll, whine, beg, but whatever he does those dead stick. They have become Bush's macabre scarlet letters. This, the man who criticized Clinton for making love then chose war himself. Clinton got impeached. But it would seem that the same folks who impeached Clinton because he lied about making love, aren't up to impeaching Bush for lying to justify a war that has killed who knows how many tens of thousands.

So all we can do is keep tying the fresh kills around Bush's neck. And then never allow him shake them off. Never.