November 3, 2005

BREAKING NEWS
Class Warfare Narrowly Averted

For decades America's top earners had been oppressed, milked by liberals like a herd of cows, forced to share their earnings with America's less fortunate. Liberals called it, "taxation," but the rich knew what it really was – mandatory tithing. Arbitrary formulas, set by peons, dictated by law what portion of their annual earnings they had to share.

It was class warfare at it's most base. Disguised as "taxation," it was really redistribution of wealth, the cancer of socialism eating away the heart of the free enterprise system.

Liberation came in 2001 when compassionate conservatives came to power and began freeing long-suffering One Percenters from the onerous burden of sharing. First they got nearly $2 trillion in individual and corporate tithing relief. A couple of months ago compassionate conservatives also granted American oil companies another $12 billion in additional tax relief. And they are still working on getting the estate tax repealed so the kids of One Percenters will never go wanting.

Free at last, free at last, thank George Almighty they are nearly home free at last. No longer would the well-off be forced to share so much of their hard-earned money with America's less fortunate – (translation: lazy, shiftless, dumb, and/or suspiciously brown,) or their kids.

Finally the (shiftless) cycle of poverty will no longer be subsidized by the earnings of the rich. Finally the rich can keep more of what they earn. And, now, when and if the spirit moves them, they will share as much, or little, of it with the poor as they wish. And no more handouts. No siree. Instead the rich will use that extra money to create jobs for the poor. Everyone profits. The poor get a job and the rich get a bottomless pool of dirt cheap labor. Lawns and gardens manicured by small armies of grateful immigrants, who must now chose -- work for peanuts or starve.

Food Stamp Cuts Are On Table
Washington Post - Thursday, November 3, 2005

House Republicans are pushing to cut tens of thousands of legal immigrants off food stamps, partially reversing President Bush's efforts to win Latino votes by restoring similar cuts made in the 1990s...The food stamp measure is just one of several provisions in an expansive congressional budget-cutting package that critics say unfairly targets the poor and disadvantaged, especially poor children.....(and) that would affect millions of Americans, including the fast-growing immigrant population.

The food stamp cuts in the House measure would knock nearly 300,000 people off nutritional assistance programs, including 70,000 legal immigrants, according to the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office. Those immigrants would lose their benefits because the House measure would require legal immigrants to live in the United States for seven years before becoming eligible to receive food stamps, rather than the current five years. About 40,000 children would lose eligibility for free or reduced-price school lunches, the CBO estimated. (Full Story)

At last, the universe is back in balance. The poor are poorer and the rich are richer. And what are the rich doing with the money they no longer have to tithe?

"The billionaire and former PeopleSoft owner has bowed to the pressure of disgruntled residents of Alamo, Calif., over his 72,000-square-foot dream home....The abode had promised to be something beyond magnificent – a 22-acre lot with space for a horse stable, two swimming pools and a 20-car garage. In fact it was beginning to sound more like a hotel than a home, which is precisely what gave the neighbors cause to grumble."
(Full Story)

If that mansion had it been built as planned it would have dwarfed William Randolf Heart's California castle.

Oh, I see that resentful look on your face. What's a person do with 72,000 square feet of living space – about the size of about 40 middle-class homes -- you ask? Well, first, it's none of your damn business. The guy earned the money fair and square and got to keep more of it -- thanks to the Bush tax cuts. Now he gets to do what ever he frigging wants to do with it.

But your question misses the upside. Think of the dozens of minimum wage jobs it will take to keep the place up. (Muchos de trabajo! Muchos de trabajo barato!)

Now you're obsessing over the 20-car garage, aren't you? Well, the guy knows he can only drive one car at a time, so shut up about that. You're missing the point – again. Cars need what? Mechanics, stupid. (Mecánicos.) Grease monkeys. Guys in oil-stained jump suits who work for peanuts. And, since they are about to get their food stamps yanked, they'll appreciate the peanuts.

Oh, look at yourselves! Envy -- written all over your faces. What an ugly thing it is. Now you're wanting to know why the guy needs two swimming pools. How little you know about the burdens of wealth. Pools need cleaning, dummy. And what's he supposed to do while the pool is being cleaned? Huh? Have you considered that? The second pool is his "back up pool," for when the pool cleaning monkeys are working on the other one. (Aren't you ashamed of yourselves now?)

Class warfare is such an ugly thing. Compassionate conservatives knew that and arrived in the nick of time to head off an outbreak. Which is why the very first thing they did when they came to power was to remove the main irritant – forced tithing -- slashing how much the rich are forced to share with the poor. If left unchecked the rich may have revolted leading to a nasty outbreak of class warfare.

Compassionate conservatives -- never has so much been showered on so few in return for so little.


Today's Fun Fact
Donald Rumsfeld is the former Chairman of the Board of Directors of and still has millions of dollars of stock in Gilead Pharmaceuticals which has the patent on Tamiflu, the only antiviral vaccine which might be effective against avarian flu, and which is marketed by Roche, which is refusing to let other pharmaceuticals produce the vaccine, even if royalties are paid. What a coincidence that Bush announces a $7 billion plan to fight avarian flu (just as Iraq comes under new and more severe scrutiny). This world is just filled with coincidences, isn't it?
(From Reader Jim Sorrells)

November 2, 2005